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I touched the icy surface
And sensed the crystals’ melt
I felt its coldness in my hand
As smooth as glass on shifting sand
And wondered what it felt.
Did it crave the warmth within my hold
As I would like to think
Or did I rob it of its cold
And render it extinct?
Whispers In The Wind 
Well, someone has to do it! LOL Thanks Keats.
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One should not be sleep deprived and read blogs at the same time. One should definitely not try to type coherent sentences.
At least the intent of what I wrote was clear. Mostly. I hope.
I’m looking at my suggestions and I think the problem is that you want to use the word “absorb.” It expresses the meaning, but is one syllable too long.
All of my suggestions would change that meaning.
Good luck. I usually deal with this kind of problems by letting the words and meter dictate the meaning. Who am I to argue with the words?
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Hi Keats, You can find Alison at Silent Poetry in my blogroll. She is also the editor at Sonnet Writers…also in my blogroll.
You are my favorite scientist but I know if I hold an ice cube in my hand until it melts I will not only have transferred heat but my hand will be numb from the cold. Had I not held the ice cube it would still be cold and my hand would still be warm…so, is the ice cube any warmer from my efforts or am I just a little colder from the experience? Needless to say, the ice cube is no longer an ice cube and my hand is no longer warm so in that light did it melt because it borrowed my warmth or because I robbed it of its coldness? Now you’ve got me confused!
That last line will come to me…one day! Thanks for your observations – scientific and poetic.
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How come alison doesn’t have a web site. I’d like to see what she writes.
I just read her comment again. I like it the first time I read it. Sometimes it really takes that many times to really extract the texture from a poem. I wonder what she found that I didn’t find in my 4 readings.
But this time I saw your response, Shirley. I had problems with the last line, or last two lines, or let’s call it the last stanza.
It’s technically write, if you follow the meter, but it didn’t read right to me every time I read it.
How about “Or did I just absorb the cold?” That reads more smoothly to me, but then it begs for a better word for the entire imagery.
Some other ideas:
“Or did I take from it the cold?”
“Or did I steal from it the cold?”
“Or did it gift me with the cold?”
“Or was it mine to take, the cold?”
I’m glad this is your problem and not mine.
Still, it’s a wonderful poem.
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As scientific thinker, I was appalled by this poem. You can’t absorb cold! There’s no such thing!
Then I settled down and read it as a poem.
Lovely imagery, beautifully chosen words. Carefully chosen, like writing “crystals’ melt” instead of “crystal’s melt.”
You are always very precise with your words and I love the overall effect.
I think like a scientist but I feel like an animist. This treatment of the living world feels just right to me.
Thank you.
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Hi Sara, It left me wondering about myself too…therefore, the dual meaning in the title! Thanks!
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Love the questioning aspect of this. It leaves me wondering about myself, even as I picture the image it brings to mind.
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Does it snow where I am? Ha! Do chickens have lips? It would be easier to tell you about the few days it didn’t snow this winter. Those would be the days it sleeted or rained. Enjoy your snow…want some more? Thanks for reading ekho.
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Sometimes I wonder that question too. I think u absorbed the cold. he he. I took it literally. Does it snow where u live Shirley, it’s wierd but it finally snowed where I live. It was the first snow this year.
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Hi Ali,
Aw, thank you. The last line is still not making me jump for joy but it will come to me eventually. I’m glad you liked it. It has many meanings based on your own perceptions – as all poetry does.
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I have read this one twenty times now. Not kidding. As smooth as glass on shifting sand is my favorite line –full of more than imagery. Touch, sight…Shirley you are the master of depicting life and thoughts combined. Just beautiful. And I love that you can answer the question in an infinite number of ways… Ali
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Thanks everyone! There’s no limit on how far the the mind can travel…be it in the right or wrong direction…it’s still better than standing still!
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Simply beautiful!
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It doesn’t take a physicist to understand the complexity of this one… just a human who becomes the mystery. Deceptively rich, Shirley…
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Lovely poem. Me likey the simple diction. Oh, visit my site
http://ekhoingpoetry.blogspot.com/
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I love the image and the question – it is amazing how our touch touches others – thanks, a fan
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beautiful. and the two effects are not mutualy exclusive.
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Your poems always make me take pause and see things in a different way. Bravo!
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